From Hakudoushi's Perspective
by Rose Royce
Summary: Once a story about his horrible life as an incarnation, now a group of Foamystyle bashes! EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS BEING BASHED! EVEN YOU! Hakudoushi owns you all! M for safety, potty mouth, and twisted ideas. [You already know who's POV it is.Redone]
1. Sacred Jewels are for Losers!

**:As you can see, this story is redone, sort of. I've just replaced some of the past chapters with newer ones. This whole story is now a collection of bashing oneshots.:**

**:Bow down before Hakudoushi:**

**:S.Devilin:**

You all know my deal, right? Little baby, born of some flesh in some mountain where Mr. Crazy was hiding out? Only born so I can locate some stupid jewel in some stupid world for dead people? Got cut in half trying and now I'm here? Yeah, that's me, Hakudoushi, Mr. Crazy's son…and do you want to know why I sound so pissed right now? Hmm?

My only purpose in life is to find the last Sacred Jewel Shard… …and that's it? I mean, is that all I'm good for? Finding some stupid piece of broken jewelry? What the fuck, man? When people have kids, they do it to start a family, have someone to love and continue their legacy, and shit like that. But I let alone the rest of us? We're just there, because Naraku doesn't want to move an inch from his rented home, and then we do something successful for once, he takes all the credit! If he wants to find the shards, he can go learn how to be a priest, okay? That way he can sense its aura or whatever so he can find it HIMSELF.

Yes, I am fully aware about all the capabilities that the Shikon Jewel, Sacred Jewel, Jewel of Fours Souls, WHATEVER THEY CALL IT, can make you stronger, or faster, or alive again and yadyadada. Well…

SCREW THAT!

If you want something in life, you have to work for it! So you want to be faster or stronger, EXERCISE! IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!

You wanna live? WELL THAT'S TOO BAD! STAY DEAD! IT'S BETTER FOR YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE IF YOU JUST LIE IN YOUR BURIAL HOLE AND LET YOUR SOUL GO WHEREVER IT'S SUPPOSED TO! STOP RUINING OTHER PEOPLES LIVES BY SHOWING YOUR CARCASS, KIKYO!

And then those of you who want to be full demon or full-whatever…well you all…NEED to be PROUD that you are a HANYOU! Just because some meathead demon or human is ridiculing you for being half-human, doesn't mean you have to down yourself and try to become totally something just to "fit it". Be proud that you are a half-normal!

One last thing before I go take a nap. The goddamn Jewel is nothing but trouble. Whoever created it must have been smoking those "Happy Plants" because they should have known demons and humans and beings thereof were going to greedily try to use it for their own silly benefit, later realizing, might I add, is not what they want. When you go through all that trouble to get something in greed, trouble will come to you later tenfold. Remember that! And what's the original purpose for the Sacred Jewel anyway? Keep demons out? Bring World Peace? What? Well, forget it…I'm done talking, I'm taking my nap now so go away, I'll yell at you later.


	2. I Hate Shippo Yes I Do

**:Awwww! My baby Hakudoushi has more to say to you all! He's such a smart little boy, so evil and sooo cute!:**

**:Hakudoushi owns you!:**

**:S. Devilin:

* * *

**

Today I want to talk about that little fox runt Shippo. That little pipsqueak got a tail bigger than him! Haven't you noticed? I mean it's a wonder how that little bastard can walk without falling over and busting his head wide open so his little pea brain can skid out. I know, I know, I'm short too, but not as short as him. He's a small as a fucking head of cabbage. And how do we know Shippo's a boy anyway? He has a bow for Kami's sake! I have long hair, but you don't see me walking around Japan with a big-ass bow on my head, looking like a little girl!

Shippo is weak as hell. When he tries to use that "Foxfire" attack, it's like all you see is either one tiny mediocre flame that isn't going to hurt anyone or him getting picked up by his tail and thrown aside. He isn't a threat. He can't fight. He can talk big, but doesn't have the brawn to go with it. I don't know if you remember, but once he said something about "Humans are weaker than us demons."

HAH!

MOST HUMANS ARE STONGER THAN YOU, SHIPPO!

And I can't believe that little fox bastard can get a date! And in, like, EVERY human village plus one thunder demon girl, Souten. He's a bad as that perverted monk that's with him…flirting like a damn man-whore. A DAMN MAN-WHORE! I hope when he gets older and taller he contracts every STD known to man and some known to monkeys then get his Little Samurai chopped of by an ex-girlfriend.

I know what you're thinking, "How dare you talk about little Shippo like that! He didn't do anything to you!" It doesn't matter what he did to me. I talk about anyone that matters, although he doesn't matter. If you can't fight, then you serve no purpose! He's just on this show to be cute…THERE'S NO PLACE FOR CUTE HERE! YOU SUCK, SHIPPO! There I said it! If you want to complain, then complain because I'll just KILL YOU right then and there. Bitches.


	3. Inuyasha you Idiot!

**:I didn't want to do this one, but it was requested, and if you didn't know, I do take requests. Please read and review, and when your done, you can look at some more pics I drew. Nothing fancy though, one requires a full view. One of them might gravitate toward what boys "like". Please fellas, I am not to blame for any unmetionable stains obtained through masturabtion (yes I said that).:**

**:Hakudoushi likes the circus:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

You all messed up somewhere and now I'm back (A/N: From school…)! You think I'm done cursing the shit out of you? Well…

I'M NOT! YOU ALL ARE IDIOTS! CALL ME MASTER!

That idiot you all like, Inuyasha, is a dumbass. Yeah, I called him a dumbass, so sue me! I'd like to see you try suing a six-year-old boy just because "He called my man a dumbass!" You're an idiot for suing a child that almost exists and you're an even bigger idiot because you called someone—who does not know who the FUCK you are—your "man"! Maybe you two will be perfect together; two people…dumb as rocks…in love…makes me SICK! But of course you'll have to compete with two other pea-brained whores known as Kagome and Kikyo.

Now here's why I'm mad: Why can't that mutt choose Kagome over Kikyo? Everyone knows they make the best couple, even JAKEN knows it and he's an even greater dumbass! But oh _noooo_…her zombie vibes just HAPPENS to get the better of him, and now the series has to be stretch, just so he can pick and choose the love of his pathetic, empty, miserable, flea-bitten life. Numb-nuts…CHOOSE KAGOME YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

Inuyasha is a selfish jerk. Is it just me, or is EVERYONE in the series egotistical? Goddamn…if it's not Mr. Crazy Naraku or SessHOmaru, it's got to be him. All he wants is to become a full demon and…that's it.

THAT'S IT?

You know what? Let's just say he's a full demon…then what the hell is he going to do, after his self-centered desire is (not) "fulfilled"? I know what he's going to do! He's going to contract fleas, ticks, and mosquitoes. Then he'll get cancer and Lyme disease and suffer to the point where he won't be able to mate or feel happy, and all he has left to do is cut himself and wait till it's time for him to got to that Great Doghouse In The Sky.

He's an idiot...you're an idiot...I'm surrounded by idiots. I no longer wish to talk to an insignificant peon such as the likes you. Goodbye, loser.


	4. I want a piece of Rin!

**Hehe...I kind a did this while thinking of how I was going to write the next Albino Lad chapter. It's rushed. Well, If you have any request for ANYTHING tell me.**

**:Hakudoushi is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!:**

**:S. Devilin:**

**:Who creates more FAVORABLE MARY-SUES:**

* * *

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU ALL ARE NASTY, OVERSEXED LOSERS!

You know why I'm even more pissed? Because I can't stand writers who make child characters look like filthy whores! So who's the topic of discussion today?

Rin...Jackasses!

I mean, she's already a dirty, fun-sized prostitute, but come on! Don't make her character worse by turning her into a grown up slut with "boobs as big as China", "butt as big as Beyonce" and shit like that, just to attract ONE lousy guy, that's probably as dirty as her, because he has a little girl that he's just DYING to screw!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT SOME EIGHT YEAR-OLD ASS, SESSHOMARU!

Bottom line: Stop turning Rin into a hot slut! Making her make moves on everybody…even me, dammit!

…But then again…I could go for a piece of that ass myself _(again)_…I think I'll call her up and…

_HAKUDOUSHI! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, BOY?_

Aww, shit! Mother!

_WHERE DID YOU PICK UP THAT NASTY-ASS LANGUAGE FROM?_

Uh…you and Naraku…mostly him when he talks in his sleep…and when we're out on one of those dumb father/son trips…

_Embarrassed Well…uh…you' ain't got t' announce it to the world! No more father/son outings if they just HAVE to be filled with smut! And what did I tell you about you and Rin? Goddamn you're defiant!_

SCREW YOU MOM! WHY CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY FOR US!

_GRR…YOU FUCKING BIG-HEADED BRAT! OKAY EVERYONE! THIS CHAPTER IS OVER! APPARENTLY, **SOMEBODY **WANTS TO BE A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY LITTLE BITCH! READ AND REVIEW! I'LL BE WAITING AS I BEAT THIS KID TO AN EARLY GRAVE!_

_

* * *

_

**Were you confused? I forgot! The statements in italics is obviously ME! YOUR MASTER!**

**:I DISAPPROVE OF HAKUDOUSHIxRIN RELATIONSHIPS!:**


	5. LETTERS!

**I'd like to hear more from you guys!**

**I know, I know. I don't want to hear Hakudoushi's big fat mouth either, but that's just him you know?**

**You're right, let's sent him to Boot Camp...**

**:Hakudoushi says "Don't forget to wipe your ass!":**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

**Key:**

Normal: Hakudoushi _Italics: Authoress/Mom_

* * *

Hello worthless peons! I am here to make an announcement in a language that YOU maggots are actually capable of understanding!

_-Mumbles- Whatever…Shorty…_

I AM NOT SHORT, I AM ADORABLY TALL!

_No such thing... 'This is how teens become Emo…brats like you…'_

Anyway, before I was so RUDELY interrupted, I am now accepting letters! Of course… I won't be reading them. As if I want to touch your filthy commoner envelopes…

_Translation: HE CAN'T READ! HA!!_

I so too can read! Hmph! Now, where was I? Ah yes! They have to be on MY level! As in they have to be intelligent enough to be worthy of my eyes—

_Your level? You don't work! And your six…that's a damn low level…_

—These letters don't have to be questions about me, my superior genius, or anyone of those other losers that aren't as PERFECT as me—

_Who are you? Sesshomaru? I mean where do you get this from?_

—They can be comments or requests, or rants…or something…

_What's the matter? Ran out of brilliant things to say, dear?_

SHUT UP WOMAN! I AM ABOUT TO READ OUR FIRST LETTER!

_-Mumbles- Should have worn a condom…_

Alright you drool-monkeys—plus you, Juromaru—here is a letter. Let this be an example you all, that are if you all are smart enough to comprehend what an example is. Ahem…

**Dear Hakudoushi,**

**When you killed your first mortal I was so proud I couldn't stand it. However, aside from all your academic and homicidal achievements, your father Naraku and I have begun to notice how much of a big-headed bastard you have become. It's appalling, dear. So, your father and I were thinking about sending you back to the hospital from which you were born in. Believe it or not, the accept trade-ins! Oh I have been practicing my little statements for the staff ever since you were born! Want to hear?**

"**Oh, excuse me. I would like to return this child, please. I think you all gave me the wrong baby. Tell me, do you have any records on my real child? See, this one is a total bastard and only thinks about himself. He is cockier than Koga and can be more annoying than Shippo. Sure, his evilness has surpassed Naraku, I'll give him that but that's nothing compared to his nasty, narcissistic attitude."**

**Yes, I said that about you and I might give you away! HAHAHAHAHA! But maybe not. No one is mentally strong enough to take care of you like me…and I still love you, though. Maybe…**

**HA!**

**Oh well! If they go to the nuthouse because of you it's not my problem! So start packing, Napoleon! You're leaving tomorrow! Good luck in your new home! I hope the lucky couple aren't HIPPIES! But it would be great if they were though, I would LOVE to see the look on your face when you eat your first piece of TOFU!**

**PSYCHE! FOOLED YOU, YOU DAMNED BRAT! **

**Mom**

Hey! You wrote this, Shirabe! How…how could you…-sniff-sniff-

_What does it say on the bottom you little bastard? And what the HELL did I tell you about calling me by my name! _(Slaps Hakudoushi across the face) (A/N: I is fearless!)

-Sob-You don't…love me anymore?-sob-

_What? You're going to start crying now? Come on, It's true that you are an ego-centric midget, but I'm not going to give you up! Hell no!_

WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU'RE A DUMB BITCH!"

_Oh no you didn't…OH NO YOU DIDN'T! C'MERE YOU MOTHER-FUCKING-SON OF-A-BITCH!!!! TAKE THAT!_

* * *

**:S. Devilin:**


	6. Premenstrual Stoke

**THANK YOU KURO-CHAN10307 FOR YOUR LETTER!**

**But I forgot to tell you something, and I'm going to let everyone else know, too before I get sued.****Please don't take ANYTHING that little bastard says to heart, PLEASE!**

**Don't go Emo...**

**Don't commit suicide...**

**That's just him okay? He's a jerk-off (yeah, I said that about my own child). ****Remember this: "after every chapter, there is a beating!"**

**:Hakudoushi looks like a girl doesn't he?:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

Welcome back, you insignificant humans! I got a letter!

_No… _I _got a letter. YOU'RE illiterate, remember?_

No, mother, It belongs to me, because it is addressed to me, got it?

_What-the FUCK-ever, you damned brat. Here is HIS first letter…ugh…_

**Dear Hakudoshi,**

**Your ignorance, arrogance and ego is extremely annoying.  
Although I may find you cute, and adorable, your attitude is among the worse the world has ever seen.  
You are not the least bit intelligent, nor are you wise. I have a large vocabulary that greatly surpasses your's.  
You are the farthest from perfect. You disrespect your family and your indolence is irritating.  
In all honesty, your mother should have put you up for adoption.  
You should be put in a home where indolence, stupidity, lethargy, and a large ego are qualities that will get you severely punished.  
You should also go see a doctor, because premenstrual stoke is only supposed to occur among women, and you, my dear friend, are going through it.  
Other than that, I thank you for being an amusing bastard and making me laugh.**

**Sincerely (And I am being VERY sincere),  
K-chan**

_Heh…hehehe…premenstrual stoke…hehehehe…_

WHAT?!? WHO ARE YOU CALLING IGNORANT AND ANNOYING, B—

_Hakudoushi, don't get mad because they're right…_

She's implying I'm a girl!

_You look like one._

Well…am I? And what's lethargy?

_Well damn…I thought you would know, Mr. I-know-everything-in-the-universe! Yes, you are a boy and lethargy is a state of being indifferent._

You think you're smarter than me? Get over yourself. I KNOW I'm smarter than you, and there is nothing wrong with my attitude! How I treat my family is only between me and the poor excuse for a family I have. Mind your own fucking beeswax—

_-Smacks Hakudoushi upside the head (really hard)-Umm…excuse _YOU_?!? I know you did not just say THAT about ME and your father and your siblings! I should put your sorry-ass up for adoption, better yet—_

Are you done? Because I'm not, _Mother_. I like to see her try to put me up for adoption. She won't, believe me. I am not lazy! I do things all the time!

_-Still angry from other disrespectful comment- Like…what…boy…?_

I kill people!

_And…?_

And I…umm…

_Umm? What's "Umm",_ Sweetheart

Don't question me! I do a lot of things! That's all that matters now, shut up!

_A lot? Why, honey, since you're sooooo intelligent, you of all people should know not to use 'a lot' as a term for describing how much you do! _

…You think you're smarter than me, too?

_Hakudoushi, I'm older than you. So technically I AM SMARTER than you!_

Oh really?

_REALLY! If you still think you're smarter than me, spell "_supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"_ for Momma, will you? Oh…that right… you _DON'T_ know your ABC's either! How silly of me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's funny! HAHAHA!!! _

I hate you…

_I love you too…and I love you so much, I'm going to end this and get right to BEATING the SHIT out of you! Goodbye folks, we will be waiting for more letters and requests! Until next time…this bastard child is dead! COME HERE YOU NO-GOOD, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING PIECE OF TRASH!_

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**:Bye everybody!:**


	7. Shesshomaroo

**Still waiting on more letters! You know you want to! It can be about anything Inuyasha related, to remind you.**

**:Hakudoushi is NOT dead:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

'_Sup ev'ry body! This IS Shirabe, authoress, madam, and mother of Hakudoushi, telling you all thank you for reading and enduring the harsh words of the little fucker. Right now, Hakudoushi is suffering head trauma while doin' some soul-searching in an all-girls orphanage. Thank you Kuro-chan fo' the info, give yo'-selves a hand and celebrate! The little brat's getting his just desserts! YEAH!!!_

_How-eva, it ain't over just yet. I have a "pre-recorded" tape of a special rant done by Hakudoushi when he was only three! It WILL make you go "AWWWWWWWWW!" Check it out. And I'll be waitin' for yo' requests an' letters. Peaces._

**:S. Devilin:**

---

What's sho sphecial 'bout, Shesshomaroo, mommy? Shesshomaroo ishn't dat shexy, he looks lika gurrl! Why would n-ee reshpectable (if there are any) whore want to be with some basturd wit' makeup on? Ya call 'im a lor-urd, but drag qween ish more likit…

You think n-ee-wun gonna take yoo seer-i-us-e wit' yoo lookin like dat, Shesshomaru? Lose da damn makeup, yoo gurlly-man!

And speakin' of Lor-urd…ish he really a lor-urd, mommy? No wun hash ev'r seeen his palash be-four…

Or his muney…

Or n-ee val-u-a-bowls like gold…

Truthfulee…I doo bee-weeve he ish bwoke as uh jowke.

He spends his nights onder twees, too. He ishn't anee-wun sphecial! He wheelly ishn't!

Okee, so he hash a servant an' a dragun-thingy, but n-ee wun could have those t'ings. Nawaku hash servants, but dats 'cuz he ish a laze bum. Shtop making him look so su-pier-reor whin he ishn't! GAWD!

He's not that cute…I bet he farts n' burps too…

One time I saw Shesshomaroo piss his pants n' squratch his ear wit' his foot lika untrained dog. Which he ish of coorse!

'N I hate it whin peepul say he duzz tings gwacefulee! Just be-cuz he c'n spin a-round lika tha fag that he ish! Dat really ishn't gwacefull…dat's pitiful, n' gay. Wheely gay. I meen wheely, whelly, WHEELY GAY!

Mommy, can yoo tell me why gurls lik 'im soo much? He ish such a pest, too! All-ways botherin' that dumbass Inuyasha. If you don't wanna be bothered wit' 'im just because he ish a half-demun, I shay leave 'im 'lone. Quit making excuses for why you half ta fight 'im 'n be on yoor stuck-up, jackass, homo-sex-ewal way! It's like 'e hash nuting to doo dan fight peepul.

Dat's y 'e hash wun arm.

I'd like to see 'im try to get laid whin he onlee hash one arm to wurk wit'.

Can yoo tell me mommy?

"_I don't know, dear. Ask your father. He's dating him."_

_

* * *

_**Yo!**

**Wasn't that cute?**

**You all are probably mad now...I made fun of Sesshomaru...**

**Your lover...your GOD...**

**Anyway...**

**For a clear, American English Version of this chapter, please request via review!**


	8. Shesshomaroo Revised

**REAL English Edit**

**(Good: Easy to read/Bad: Boring)**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

'_Sup ev'ry body! This IS Shirabe, authoress, madam, and mother of Hakudoushi, telling you all thank you for reading and enduring the harsh words of the little fucker. Right now, Hakudoushi is suffering head trauma while doin' some soul-searching in an all-girls orphanage. Thank you Kuro-chan fo' the info, give yo'-selves a hand and celebrate! The little brat's getting his just desserts! YEAH!!!_

_How-eva, it ain't over just yet. I have a "pre-recorded" tape of a special rant done by Hakudoushi when he was only three! It WILL make you go "AWWWWWWWWW!" Check it out. And I'll be waitin' for yo' requests an' letters. Peaces._

**:S. Devilin:**

---

What's so special about, Sesshomaru, mommy? Sesshomaru isn't that sexy, he looks like a girl! Why would any respectable (if there are any) whore want to be with some bastard with makeup on? You call him a lord, but drag queen is more like it…

You think anyone is going to take you seriously with you looking like that, Sesshomaru? Lose the damn makeup, you girly-man!

And speaking of Lord…is he really a lord, mommy? No one has ever seen his palace before…

Or his money…

Or any valuables like gold…

Truthfully…I do believe he is broke as a joke.

He spends his nights under trees, too. He isn't anyone special! He really isn't!

Ok, so he has a servant and a dragon-thingy, but anyone could have those things. Naraku has servants, but that's because he is a lazy bum. Stop making him look so superior when he isn't! GOD!

He's not that cute…I bet he farts n' burps too…

One time I saw Sesshomaru piss his pants and scratch his ear with his foot like a untrained dog. Which he is of course!

'N I hate it when people say he does things gracefully! Just because he can spin around like the fag that he is! That really isn't graceful…that's pitiful, and gay. Really gay. I mean really, really, REALLY GAY!

Mommy, can you tell me why girls like him so much? He is such a pest, too! All-ways bothering that dumbass Inuyasha. If you don't want to be bothered with him just because he is a half-demon, I say leave him alone. Quit making excuses for why you half to fight him and be on your stuck-up, jackass, homo-sexual way! It's like he has nothing to do than fight people.

That's why he has one arm.

I'd like to see him try to get laid when he only has one arm to work with.

Can you tell me mommy?

"_I don't know, dear. Ask your father. He's dating him."_


End file.
